Learn from my Interview Mistakes: ODB

Quote in Question: "There's no more ODB no more. No, there's no more Osiris, that's all lies. From now on, my name is Big Baby Jesus.

First, let's just get past the bad grammar (ish). The main problem is all of the name changes! I am constantly having to update my resume, then make the long haul down to Kinko's to get new ones printed out. Not to mention when I get calls regarding jobs I interviewed for as Osiris, I have to explain to some lady named Madge, who's probably wearing a sweater with a picture of her cat on it, that my name is now something other than that.

Plus the whole Jesus thing.

CUL8R ALIG8R,

odb, o, bbj

Learn From My Interview Mistakes: Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

-*Sigh*

Try, Try Again,
Iron Mike

Learn From My Interview Mistakes: ODB

Quote in Question: "Lookin' for new girls to put babies in."

When asked about your future plans, I've learned it's best to keep your answers work-related. Though I believe it is important to reiterate that I am family-oriented during an interview (it's always family before work with me), it was not the correct time to express this. Focus on your future with the company with which you are currently interviewing. Also I learned that it is beneficial to consider the gender of your your interviewer.

Happy Hunting, Big Baby Jesus

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."

-I thought that it would be good to be proactive and let my interviewer know that I wouldn't kill him. However he seemed to find it alarming that I would even bring the issue up.

-Michael

You Big Dummy

At some point that kid has to either get a job or stop wasting his rollover minutes. Learn your lesson for cripes sake.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "You have to understand, Frank Bruno would not have been champion if I had not been in prison. Oliver McCall would not have been champion if I had not been in prison. A lot of these guys would not have been champion. Michael Moorer would not have been champion. Those guys would not have been champion if I had been around. They would have had no legacy. None of those guys would have had a legacy."

-Best not to mention the fact you went to prison a half dozen times in your interview. Nuts.

Mike.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "All praise is to Allah, I'll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I'd fight him too."

The interviewer didn't like this much (despite being named Greenberg, go figure). I didn't even say I would beat Jesus. But if he cut in line at Quizzno's or something, I'm just sayin' a guy has to defend his honor, son of God or not.

Yours,
Mike

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."

-What started out as a touching childhood story, turned a bit violent. I should have just ended by saying that I was sad or something. Oh and dude, wouldn't you know the interviewer's kid had downs syndrome. Awwwwwkward.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

-When talking about killing people in an interview, try and keep it specific. It is less threatening toward your interviewer to let him know that you don't intend to kill him. I should have mentioned why I wanted to kill Lenox (scratched my Lilo & Stitch dvd) as that would make it understandable. But then I started to speak in generalities, and I fear I came across as a bit boorish.

TTFN,
Iron Mike

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - ODB

Quote in Question: "Dirt McGirt comes from Dirt McGirt Island. It’s a place that’s right off the block from the next island off of Batman Island. I can’t let you know exactly where it is––it’s a secret, you know? Wonder Woman told me not to say nothing."

-You know how when you're away from home, and when someone asks you where you're from, you just say "Chicago" even though you're from a suburb of Chicago? I should have probably done something similar here. I now get why the Coneheads would simply say they were from France.

Laters,

Dirt McG

(FYI - sometimes I go by Dirt McGirt. If Samuel Clemens can do it, so can I)

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let me smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

Be sure to stay on topic when asked a question. Somehow this ended up being my answer when I was asked about salary history.

- Mike :)

Learn From My Interview Mistakes: Rickey Henderson

Quote in Question: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

Be assertive, a prospective employer will be impressed. And Rickey's habit of speaking in the third person makes it sound like Rickey has a secretary named Rickey, making Rickey seem classy.

-Rickey

Learn From My Interview Mistakes: Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."


-In today's modern workplace, a woman may very well be your equal or even your boss. So you should address them as your equal, which surprisingly (to me) does not include invitations to fornicate.

Live and Learn,
Iron Mike

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - ODB

Quote in question: "Bitches want to f--- me when they smell my underarms!"

While the language is admittedly a little blue, this is a good testament to my remarkable charisma. So chalk this one up as just poorly worded.
CUL8R,
Osiris

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Ron Karkovice

When I go to an interview, I find it helps to wear brightly colored shirts to distract from my face.

Good Luck,

Karko

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - by Willie McGee

When going into an interview, try not to look like me.