Cover Letter - Mad TV Writers

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) enjoy your show almost too much. Whether it's a guy speaking with a high pitched voice, or a woman speaking with a low pitched voice, the hilarity never ceases. We would like to get in on the fun as writers. We offer these ideas to get the ball rolling.

Chimpanzee Esquire - Monkey Lawyer
The Honorable Rufus - Dog Judge
Officer Gas - The policeman who arrests people with his farts.
Man Baby - Older guy pretending to be a baby
Man Toddler - Older guy pretending to be a kindergartner
Man Teenager - Same as the movie "17 Again" or "Big" or "Vice Versa" or "Freaky Friday"
Man Man - Musical act

And don't think we don't have some slightly irrelavent parodies up our sleeves:

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Butt-tron - A reverse aging robot shaped like a rump.
• Suddenly Cruisen - Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields switch places.
• Adoptin' Ain't (a) Peach - Madonna be tryin to get them kids!
• Fro Jay Simpson - OJ Simpson tending to his afro.
• The Curious Case of Elian Gonzales - Remember that kid? What if he aged backwards?
• Jay Leno impressions

If that's not enough to insatiably whet your appetite, read the following part in a high pitched british accent.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

Advice

Unemployment can be a great time to catch up on reading - if you're a nerd.

Job Board

Theoretical Great Job - Inventor/tester of new ice cream floats.

Job Board

Were you a communications major? If so get used to playing the lottery.

Job Board

Theoretical great job - Chuck E Cheese ball pit tester

Job Board

If you can stand in the middle of an intersection and yell at people for crossing when the light says walk, Chicago TMA is for you!

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "All praise is to Allah, I'll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I'd fight him too."

The interviewer didn't like this much (despite being named Greenberg, go figure). I didn't even say I would beat Jesus. But if he cut in line at Quizzno's or something, I'm just sayin' a guy has to defend his honor, son of God or not.

Yours,
Mike

Cover Letter - Joke Writers for MTV Awards

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) think we could write some pretty good jokes for one of your awards shows. Here is a sample of our work.

Joe: "Did you hear the one about Green Day"
Dan: "No"
Joe: "It's like every other Green Day joke I've told, except I told it more recently, and am older when I tell it."

Anything else will cost you.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

Finding a Job With Omegle

You might get lucky:

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: We're looking for a job, do you have anything available?
Stranger: 잠시만
You: Pardon?
Stranger: 안녕
Stranger: 하세요
Stranger: 헤이
You: Ok, we can get you references by next week
Stranger: what
Stranger: ?
Stranger: What's weird
You: Excuse me
Stranger: yes
You: We were just guessing at what you wrote
Stranger: may
Stranger: I
Stranger: help
Stranger: you?
You: yes, we would like a job.
Stranger: 모래요
Stranger: 무슨
Stranger: 말인지
Stranger: 몰르겠어요
You: Is that Chinese or wingdings
Stranger: What kind people?
You: Yes those people are nice
You: So would you like us to come in and interview in person?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Finding a Job With Omegle

You might get lucky:

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: You hiring?
You:we assure you we're qualified
Stranger: What?
You: we're looking for a job, are you hiring?
You: we do good work
Stranger: I am not the boss ^_^
You: could you put in a good word for us?
You: last job we worked at we got a lot of "atta boy"s
Stranger: I'm a foreigner
You: that's all relative to where we are.
You: or are you in the band?
You: you foreign to the u.s.?
Stranger: I am a student
Stranger: sorry
You: no problem.
You: could you hire us in your home country, it's tough with visas over here.
You: or we could tutor you.
Stranger: I'm so sorry
You: what are you studying, we'll show you we know the subject matter.
Stranger: But I do not have money to pay wages- -!
You: that is troubling.
You: we could work for food and stolen forks from the cafeteria
Stranger: Fuel you will find a good job of
You: Pardon?
Stranger: bay
You: inlet
Stranger: see you
You: catch you on the flip flop home slice
Stranger: i'm so sorry
Stranger: bye
Stranger: bye
Stranger: ok?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."

-What started out as a touching childhood story, turned a bit violent. I should have just ended by saying that I was sad or something. Oh and dude, wouldn't you know the interviewer's kid had downs syndrome. Awwwwwkward.

Find a Job With Omegle

You might get lucky:

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey
You: hi
You: you hiring?
You: we need a job
Stranger: where are you from?
You: chicago, but we're willing to travel
Stranger: great bulls
You: yeah we tried out for them, but they wouldn't hire us
You: not even for aaron gray's spot

Your conversational partner has disconnected.