Dear "American Movie Classics",
Tonight you are showing Quigley Down Under which is
a) Australian
b) Not Classic
Please update your name on my satellite guide to "Australian Movie Crap" or something similar.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Tuesday
Monday
Learn From My Interview Mistakes: Mike Tyson
Quote in Question: "I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know." -In today's modern workplace, a woman may very well be your equal or even your boss. So you should address them as your equal, which surprisingly (to me) does not include invitations to fornicate.
Live and Learn,
Iron Mike
Wednesday
Cover Letter - Highlights Magazine
Dear Highlights,
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) have enjoyed your magazine well into our late twenties. Be it the hidden pictures, "Ask Arizona", or crafts and science sections, we couldn't be more down. We mean we are all in. Exept for one little thing, "Goofus and Gallant".
Why must you glorify Goofus's behavior in your magazine? We feel he is one step away from Johnny Knoxville-esqe buffoonery. And that is not a message we want to send to our kids if they ever exist. So we propose that you change the name of the piece to "Gallant and Gallanter" and have it star us.
One panel could show one of us opening a door for and old woman. Pretty gallant right? Then the second panel could show one of us building a hurricane Katrina house with our bare hands. Gallanter. One panel shows one of us helping a lady across the street, Gallant; the next shows us striking a peace accord in the Gaza Strip, Gallanter. One panel shows one of us washing the dishes, Gallant; the next shows one of us off-loading passengers from a speeding bus rigged with a bomb, Gallanter. The message is much much stronger.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) have enjoyed your magazine well into our late twenties. Be it the hidden pictures, "Ask Arizona", or crafts and science sections, we couldn't be more down. We mean we are all in. Exept for one little thing, "Goofus and Gallant".
Why must you glorify Goofus's behavior in your magazine? We feel he is one step away from Johnny Knoxville-esqe buffoonery. And that is not a message we want to send to our kids if they ever exist. So we propose that you change the name of the piece to "Gallant and Gallanter" and have it star us.
One panel could show one of us opening a door for and old woman. Pretty gallant right? Then the second panel could show one of us building a hurricane Katrina house with our bare hands. Gallanter. One panel shows one of us helping a lady across the street, Gallant; the next shows us striking a peace accord in the Gaza Strip, Gallanter. One panel shows one of us washing the dishes, Gallant; the next shows one of us off-loading passengers from a speeding bus rigged with a bomb, Gallanter. The message is much much stronger.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Complaint Letter - Cadbury Creme Eggs
Dear Cadbury,
Your creme eggs are noticeably smaller than we remember. Please revise and send us new ones as we are still hungry.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Your creme eggs are noticeably smaller than we remember. Please revise and send us new ones as we are still hungry.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
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