Cover Letter - Mr. Bubble

To the estate of Mr. Bubble,

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) were very sorry to hear about the passing of Mister Bubble. He was a great man type thing. But here's the good news; (or :, not sure) two new awesome spokespeople are available: (or ;, not sure) us.

We are both roundish and pinkish. With some work and pizza, we can get ourselves to the precise amount of round and pink required. Or you could look at this as a chance to go in a new direction with some more human looking mascots, in which case we fit the bill almost immediately. Or we could dress up in one of those two person horse costumes. Let your imagination run wild.

Two weeks prior to us starting as the new mascots for your product we would request you send us some of your product as we have run out of soap.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

Mr. Bubble during happier times

Omegle Job Search

You might get lucky:

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey.
You: hi, we're looking for a job, you hiring?
Stranger: no....
Stranger: actually yes
Stranger: i have a resturant
Stranger: that needs some good workers.
You: cool. cooks or out front.
Stranger: uhm.. both really
You: we're willing to travel
Stranger: where do u live?
You: chicago
You: where's the restaurant?
Stranger: alabama.
You: birmingham?
Stranger: yes.
You: well fantastic. we can start in 8 hours
Stranger: im sure ur kidding.
You: not entirely
You: we would need to find a place and pack
Stranger: u dont even know the resturant.
Stranger: ...
You: they're pretty much all the same
Stranger: not really....
Stranger: theres a lot of resturants in alabama.
You: what like 14?
You: is it a don pablo's?
Stranger: no..
Stranger: i never heard of itt.
You: we just thought it would be impressive if we could guess it
Stranger: are u saying that alabama is small or something?
You: it was already narrowed down to birmingham
Stranger: well its not in birmingham
Stranger: its near birmingham.
You: let's go to the tape...
You: You: birmingham? Stranger: yes.
Stranger: i know.
Stranger: i dont want u to know where the resturant is
Stranger: u could be so dangeerous man.
Stranger: best buys hiring.
Stranger: try there.
You: the one in birmingham?
Stranger: no.
You: Vestavia Hills?
Stranger: no?
Stranger: whats that?
You: a birmingham suburb
You: now it is WE that are skeptical of YOU sir
Stranger: im not a freaking SIR.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes: ODB

Quote in Question: "Lookin' for new girls to put babies in."

When asked about your future plans, I've learned it's best to keep your answers work-related. Though I believe it is important to reiterate that I am family-oriented during an interview (it's always family before work with me), it was not the correct time to express this. Focus on your future with the company with which you are currently interviewing. Also I learned that it is beneficial to consider the gender of your your interviewer.

Happy Hunting, Big Baby Jesus

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."

-I thought that it would be good to be proactive and let my interviewer know that I wouldn't kill him. However he seemed to find it alarming that I would even bring the issue up.

-Michael

Job Board

Decent fictional job - Undead truck driver akin to Large Marge

He's Terrible

If your job is a college football announcer, you should be able to speak #BobGriese

Something for Weightlifters to Wear at Home

The Snuggie Design Series combines the Snuggie with Zubaz to create the perfect storm of horrible things to wrap your body in.

I Have Your Number Too, Papa John

How can "Better Ingredients, Better Pizza" be a way of life? It can't be, that's how Papa John.

Another Bad School

Instead of buying Video Professor take our lesson on ebay. Log on, buy something, wait for it to be sent. Done.

Bad School

Not really sure one can get a fulfilling career from a place called UTI. http://tinyurl.com/mqc35f

Job Board

The best career move one can make seems to be to MLB pitchers switching from the American to the National League #JohnSmoltz

You Big Dummy

At some point that kid has to either get a job or stop wasting his rollover minutes. Learn your lesson for cripes sake.

Job Board

Fictional great job - Malibu Sands summer lifeguard for the softened Papa Bear Carosi

Job Board

Theoretical Great Job - Merry-Go-Round Tester, although it ultimately goes nowhere. #rimshot