Learn From My Interview Mistakes: Mike Tyson

Quote in Question: "I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

-*Sigh*

Try, Try Again,
Iron Mike

Cover Letter - Writers For House

Dear Doctor House,

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to write episodes for your hit TV show "Doctor House". Both of us have lived in houses (the singular being "house"-like you and your show) and have been to the doctor. One of us went for getting a penny stuck in their ear and one of us went for drinking too much Shasta. We can't tell you which due to patient-doctor confidentiality. But one of us is another Wild Cherry away from a trip to the county E.R. if you know what we're sayin. Transition. Here is an example of an episode we wrote.

• Someone passes out from an illness
• Dr. House - "I say we do this"
• Everyone - "We're not on board despite you being right everytime"
• People try different things
• Thing House suggested is the correct thing
• Dr. House "Smart alec comment"
• A song by The Who

We can start whenever.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

P.S. Don't steal our idea.

Cover Letter - Dictionary Writers

Greetings Webster,

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) both love words. We use them almost every day! We love the writing in your book, especially the definitions for the words beginning with “R” (whoever wrote about rhubarb deserves a Pulitzer). We also are very good at making up our own words (see if you can pick them out in this letter). Ever since we have been alive, the dictionary has not contilled any longer. Have your writers prostigated a case of writers’ block? Well we haven’t. Just the other day, we came up with 45 new words (granted we have decided that 13 are Spanish). Soon we also hope to put meanings and pronunciations to the words. After we are hired we can work on definitions for our gallump of words with one of your “R” writers.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Joedanilly yours,

Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

Response To Cover Letter - Dictionary Writers

Should you not get a job you applied for, don't worry. Even people as awesome and good looking as us don't get every job we apply for.


From: Kory L. Sxxx
Subject: Re: We would like a job
To: "Joe and Dan Signorelli"
Date: Friday, January 16, 2009, 8:37 AM

Dear Bros. Signorelli:

Thank you for your e-mail and your interest in Merriam-Webster. We appreciate your tireless efforts to use words daily and thereby keep us in business.

You may be saddened to learn that the work of a dictionary editor is not in creating new words, but rather in recording the use of new words as they appear in edited, printed prose. Believe it or not, the dictionary has indeed grown over the years--we add anywhere from 50-100 words every year, not counting the full revisions that add thousands of new words, and that is just a fraction of the new words we have evidence for. But it looks like you are looking for employment on the wrong side of this "new word" schtick. Two fine neologists such as yourselves would do the English language the most amount of good out in the wild, where your coinages will be heard and passed along. Though our editors are creative, intelligent, and remarkably good-looking, they are still but "harmless drudges," as Samuel Johnson put it a few hundred years ago, resigned to a career of recording other people's witticisms. You can read about the defining process at www.Merriam-Webster.com/help/faq/word_in.htm.

That said, if you wish to apply for an editorial job with us, please send a cover letter and résumé to:

Stephen J. Pxxx
Merriam-Webster, Inc.
PO Box xxx
Springfield MA 01102

Thanks again for writing, and I will pass your compliments along to the editors who worked on "rhubarb."

Cordially,
Kory Sxxx, Associate Editor
Merriam-Webster, Inc.

www.Merriam-Webster.com
www.wordcentral.com
www.Merriam-WebsterUnabridged.com
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