Response to Cover Letter - Adult Diaper Designers

Dear Joe and Dan,

Thank you for contacting Kimberly-Clark Corporation about your idea. We appreciate the opportunity to explain our policy for reviewing information on new opportunities.

POLICY:

Kimberly-Clark is very involved in the development and design of innovative products both internally and with external partners. Since we have our own advertising team and work with advertising agencies, we do not accept suggestions for the marketing, advertising, or promotion of our products, including suggestions related to artwork or product display, slogans, product names, or trademarks. To protect the efforts of employees and other partners with whom we are already engaged, Kimberly-Clark Corporation accepts for review only non-confidential business plans, products or technologies that are the subject of a patent or patent application, or ideas that relate to environmental subjects.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Non-confidential business plans or a copy of your complete patent can be forwarded to the address provided below.

If your idea is the subject of a patent application, please print the attached form, "Kimberly-Clark Corporation Policy for Reviewing Patent Applications," and return the signed original with a copy of your complete patent application and a copy of the relevant receipt or proof of application from the applicable Patent Office.

If your idea relates to an environmental subject, you can print the attached form, "Kimberly-Clark Corporation Policy for Reviewing Unsolicited Ideas," and return the signed original with a description, drawing, or sample of your idea. Please be aware that we cannot consider ideas that would duplicate the efforts of our manufacturing, business, and research groups who are continually working to make Kimberly-Clark's products even more environmentally friendly, such as:

* reduction or elimination of certain components (including packaging)
* a "drop-in" substitution of one material for another
* increased recycling or use of recycled materials

ADDRESS:
Kimberly-Clark Corporation
Dept: SGN
P.O. Box xxxx
Neenah, WI xxxxx-xxxx
U.S.A.

Without the appropriate documentation, your idea will not be reviewed. If the proper documentation has been provided, your material will be reviewed by our alliance and partnership team, and we will notify you of the outcome.

Thank you again for your interest in Kimberly-Clark Corporation. We appreciate your taking the time to contact us.

Ivy
Consumer Services
Kimberly-Clark Corp.
013026527A

Response to Cover Letter - Sumo Superstar

Hi Joe and Daniel,
　
Thanks for your interest. I don't know of any sumo groups in your areas. Anyway, we will keep you posted on events, and if you have any specific questions, go ahead.
　
When you speak of doing sumo for a living, please be aware that he only professional sumo in the world is in Japan. Elsewhere, there is only amateur sumo.
　
Andrew
310-XXX-XXXX
http://www.usasumo.com

Cover Letter - Librarian

Dear Fellow Nebbish Bookworm,

My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to be librarians. While we don't particularily enjoy books, we wear glasses and that seems to be the main criteria. And not only do we wear glasses, we can peer over the top of them in such a way that would make the most horseplayish youngsters stop playing horse. In addition to our glasses over-peering skills, we can both alternately say "shush" and "shhh" to people depending on what the case may warrant (in an emergency we are fully prepared to deploy a "pipe down!"). If we need to get someone's attention we can "pssst" with the best of them.

We are long time veterans of libraries, as we cut our teeth on the microfiche machine (seriously - don't stick your head in there). Here is the list of books we have read: Goodnight Moon (admittedly with some help), Mel Gibson's Biography, Kirby Puckett's biography, Us Weekly, Jeff Hostetler's Biography, The Instruction Book to the Game Rygar, and Infinate Jest.

We can alphabetize somewhat, only having to guess between L and R. And if you're wondering if we know the Dewey Decimal System, the answer is Dewey ever! We can also fit 15 grapes (green!) in our mouth which, while not entirely applicable, we feel is quite impressive and hope you do too.

See you in the book section under cool dude librarians!

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli

Everyday Heroes

To the person doing this.....





You're hired.

Learn From My Interview Mistakes - ODB

Quote in question: "Bitches want to f--- me when they smell my underarms!"

While the language is admittedly a little blue, this is a good testament to my remarkable charisma. So chalk this one up as just poorly worded.
CUL8R,
Osiris