Yes
http://www.wzzm13.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=86444
Wednesday
Thursday
You Are Dia, and These Are Our Beans.
Has anyone else noticed how similar the scene where the kid is pointing the gun at his dad in the movie Blood Diamond is to the scene where Jane points the gun at Frank in The Naked Gun? We didn't think so, but trust us. It's there. Maybe we'll become one of those video-editing robo-nerds* and edit both scenes into one Youtube clip and then spend the rest of the week figuring out when to start playing Dark Side of the Moon so it syncs up with Wizard of Oz.**
*So less cool than bloggers. Doy.
**It doesn't, you brain-dead pot-smoking dork.
*So less cool than bloggers. Doy.
**It doesn't, you brain-dead pot-smoking dork.
Wednesday
Complaint Letter - MTV
Dear MTV,
Knock it off with the America's Next Top Model already. Geesh.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Knock it off with the America's Next Top Model already. Geesh.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Ugh.
As an antithesis to Billy Crystal's children's book, we feel we can safely say about the movie "Definately, Maybe" - We hate you before we even met you.
We never thought that there would be a more annoying movie title than "Two if By Sea", but this is a close call.
We never thought that there would be a more annoying movie title than "Two if By Sea", but this is a close call.
Monday
Cover Letter - Navy (Officer Preferably)
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) want to be in the Navy (That was not a Village People joke).
Recently we have been playing battleship on yahoo games, and achieved rating of 1400. Not bad, eh? Please don't make fun of our Minnesotan accent. Another naval accomplishment for us has been keeping it free of lint. ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously though, we own three canoes in various locations around MN.
We once crashed a jetski but got right back on. We were going 5 knots (which we assume is about 8 miles per hour), got some water in our nose, and only cried a little bit. The list of tough guys starts with us, with number two maybe being Kimbo Slice or Pat Sajak.
One huge advantage we have over all other navies is that we can hold our breath FOREVER (one goes under while the other surfaces for breath). No one else you know can do that. Except for Aquaman. So hopefully you don't know Aquaman. (If you know Aquaman can we meet him?)
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Recently we have been playing battleship on yahoo games, and achieved rating of 1400. Not bad, eh? Please don't make fun of our Minnesotan accent. Another naval accomplishment for us has been keeping it free of lint. ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously though, we own three canoes in various locations around MN.
We once crashed a jetski but got right back on. We were going 5 knots (which we assume is about 8 miles per hour), got some water in our nose, and only cried a little bit. The list of tough guys starts with us, with number two maybe being Kimbo Slice or Pat Sajak.
One huge advantage we have over all other navies is that we can hold our breath FOREVER (one goes under while the other surfaces for breath). No one else you know can do that. Except for Aquaman. So hopefully you don't know Aquaman. (If you know Aquaman can we meet him?)
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Wednesday
We're pretty sure that if we hosted a party and did nothing but repeatedly play the video for Sensual Seduction on a large projection screen that everyone there would be getting laid within the hour.
Learn from my Interview Mistakes - By Mike Tyson
Quote in Question: “[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”
In retrospect, this one wasn't so bad. Focus on your strengths!
See ya poundin the pavement,
Iron Mike
Friday
Good Old Cartoon Violence
This blogging thing is tough. You have to be sharp as a wit and quick like a puma cat. Still don't really know how to pronounce puma. Poo-mah? Pyoo-mah? Pew-mah? I've got the second half down pretty well at least. But I digress. Since joeanddan are the two most romantic guys on the planet, we got our girlfriends a football jersey and the Home Alone DVDs for Christmas. Did you know that there are four Home Alone movies? Make no mistake, Home Alone 2 is the best of the trilogy+1. In accordance with the law of movie sequels, they really scaled up the violence in that one. The third movie stars that kid from Liar Liar whose hair I really want to cut, and the most annoying of all children's movie animals, the parrot. Every time theres a parrot in a kids movie, it spout out appropriate cliches in any sticky situation (see: "Ooh, thats gotta hurt" or "Stick 'em up!"). I dont like that one bit. The fourth one costars French Stewart (the most annoying out of all the annoying characters from 3rd Rock from the Sun). The movie probably cost about $35 to make, most of which was used to buy tape so French could hold his eyes open. In regards to the violence, here is a breakdown of the injuries sustained by Harry and Marv in the first movie:
Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, cracked skull, gored foot, tetanus, lacerations covering feet, broken back, broken nose, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.
Harry: ruptured testicle, concussion, broken coccyx, broken neck, 3rd degree burn on hand, broken nose, 3rd degree burn on head, broken ribs, cracked sternum, severe internal bleeding, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.
Now compare those wussy injuries with those in HA2:
Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death by brick to the face, death by brick to the face #2, death by brick to the face #3, death by brick to the face #4, ruptured intestine from stapled butthole, torn nasal septum, cracked ribs, broken neck, broken zygomatic and maxillary bones, ruptured testes, loss of eyesight, death by electrocution, broken neck, death from blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, cracked orbital bone, broken nose, stapled wiener, death from fall.
Harry: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death from fall, fractured thoracic vertebrae, concussion, fractured parietal bone, ruptured testes, 3rd degree burns on head, death by fiery gasoline explosion on head, broken fingers, death by blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, broken nose, death from fall.
See, its obvious which is the better movie. Marv's first brick to the face actually elicited a sincere gasp from our own Grape Henderson. Also, these injuries are listed in order of occurrence, so feel free to follow along sometime.
Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, cracked skull, gored foot, tetanus, lacerations covering feet, broken back, broken nose, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.
Harry: ruptured testicle, concussion, broken coccyx, broken neck, 3rd degree burn on hand, broken nose, 3rd degree burn on head, broken ribs, cracked sternum, severe internal bleeding, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.
Now compare those wussy injuries with those in HA2:
Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death by brick to the face, death by brick to the face #2, death by brick to the face #3, death by brick to the face #4, ruptured intestine from stapled butthole, torn nasal septum, cracked ribs, broken neck, broken zygomatic and maxillary bones, ruptured testes, loss of eyesight, death by electrocution, broken neck, death from blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, cracked orbital bone, broken nose, stapled wiener, death from fall.
Harry: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death from fall, fractured thoracic vertebrae, concussion, fractured parietal bone, ruptured testes, 3rd degree burns on head, death by fiery gasoline explosion on head, broken fingers, death by blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, broken nose, death from fall.
See, its obvious which is the better movie. Marv's first brick to the face actually elicited a sincere gasp from our own Grape Henderson. Also, these injuries are listed in order of occurrence, so feel free to follow along sometime.
Wednesday
Cover Letter - Teacher
To who (or whom, who knows!?!) it may concern,
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to teach america's youth!
We know a lot of stuff. And while that is enough to have you thinking, HIRED! hold on, there's more.
Our methods are innovative and sometimes even effective. We can yell loud enough to make a rhesus monkey blush. We can toss a kid 7 yards, longer if we're on the third floor or higher. We rarely need bathroom breaks (especially for number 2). We can, and have, lectured for 9 hours without blinking. Blinking gives trouble makers an opportunity to shoot zingers or try to listen to Patsy Cline. We own 3 or 4 whiffle bats. Since we are 2, one can lecture while the other disciplines without missing a beat (double entendre). We know what double entendre means.
See you in the teacher's lounge!?
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to teach america's youth!
We know a lot of stuff. And while that is enough to have you thinking, HIRED! hold on, there's more.
Our methods are innovative and sometimes even effective. We can yell loud enough to make a rhesus monkey blush. We can toss a kid 7 yards, longer if we're on the third floor or higher. We rarely need bathroom breaks (especially for number 2). We can, and have, lectured for 9 hours without blinking. Blinking gives trouble makers an opportunity to shoot zingers or try to listen to Patsy Cline. We own 3 or 4 whiffle bats. Since we are 2, one can lecture while the other disciplines without missing a beat (double entendre). We know what double entendre means.
See you in the teacher's lounge!?
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Monday
Complaint Letter - Toaster Strudel Makers
Dear Toaster Strudel Makers,
Why no toaster treat innovations in the last 10 or so years? We have no toaster oven.
Please forward to R&D.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Why no toaster treat innovations in the last 10 or so years? We have no toaster oven.
Please forward to R&D.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Thursday
Learn From My Interview Mistakes - By Mike Tyson
Tuesday
Cover Letter - Nascar
Dear Mr. (Tom?) Nascar,
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) practice ALL THE TIME. We havent taken a right turn in years, opting for three lefts instead. Imagine our difficulty getting off the highway! We're always ending up in Maine. We have switched our diet to 90% jerky and rind form (thank you Kwik Trip). If for some reason you doubt us, we have various speeding tickets to prove how fast we can go.
An advantage we would have over Ricky Rudd for example, would be that if one gets tired the other can drive. If Ricky gets tired his only option is to pull over at a rest stop and take a nap.
BTW: that "Jesus Take the Wheel" song is NOT literal. So if it comes on the radio while you are driving, not only are you a dork for listening to a country station, but you should not climb into the passenger seat. Jesus either did not take the wheel or is a really bad driver.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) practice ALL THE TIME. We havent taken a right turn in years, opting for three lefts instead. Imagine our difficulty getting off the highway! We're always ending up in Maine. We have switched our diet to 90% jerky and rind form (thank you Kwik Trip). If for some reason you doubt us, we have various speeding tickets to prove how fast we can go.
An advantage we would have over Ricky Rudd for example, would be that if one gets tired the other can drive. If Ricky gets tired his only option is to pull over at a rest stop and take a nap.
BTW: that "Jesus Take the Wheel" song is NOT literal. So if it comes on the radio while you are driving, not only are you a dork for listening to a country station, but you should not climb into the passenger seat. Jesus either did not take the wheel or is a really bad driver.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Cover Letter - Fact Checker
Dear Sir or Madam who values correctness,
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to be your fact checker. We would save you money on library cards because we already know most facts. This would also save money on gas going to said library (in case you're one of those dorks who take the bus or drive a prius, gas is very expensive nowadays).
Here are some examples of our knowledge:
The capitol of Minnesota is St. Paul
In Europe dollars are called "euros" (crazy, i know!)
The band Europe rocked
There are at least 200 million people in america (counting us that makes at least 200,000,002).
Pizza is delicious
Slides are fun
Some people dont know many facts. They sometimes even confuse non-facts with facts. We call them creationists. We will weed these non-facts out like dandelions (are dandelions weeds? yes. FACT.).
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) would like to be your fact checker. We would save you money on library cards because we already know most facts. This would also save money on gas going to said library (in case you're one of those dorks who take the bus or drive a prius, gas is very expensive nowadays).
Here are some examples of our knowledge:
The capitol of Minnesota is St. Paul
In Europe dollars are called "euros" (crazy, i know!)
The band Europe rocked
There are at least 200 million people in america (counting us that makes at least 200,000,002).
Pizza is delicious
Slides are fun
Some people dont know many facts. They sometimes even confuse non-facts with facts. We call them creationists. We will weed these non-facts out like dandelions (are dandelions weeds? yes. FACT.).
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
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