Sunday
And What Give With No Zack Attack Music?
The end credits of "Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Vegas" have to be the worst end credits in movie history don't they?
Wednesday
We Salute You, Too
Again, to the Minnesota legislature, for building a baseball stadium without any sort of roof in Minneapolis. Soon the Twins will be sledding instead of sliding. And if God forbid we make it to the World Series one year and have to play in November, the whole world will see what idiots we all are for buying our owner this stadium, but who wont shell out for Torii Hunter or Johan Santana. Meanwhile, here is a classic letter from The Sports Guy's mailbag on espn.com:
"The day after Favre retired, I went to a $1, second-run movie and the 350-pound man wearing a Packers jersey in line in front of me accidentally dropped his Diet Pepsi on the floor. He stared vacantly at the clerk and declared, "This is the worst week ever." I think the Diet Pepsi pushed him over the edge, because he left the theater and never even went into the movie. I got my Sour Patch Kids half a minute earlier and somewhat enjoyed "I Am Legend.""
"The day after Favre retired, I went to a $1, second-run movie and the 350-pound man wearing a Packers jersey in line in front of me accidentally dropped his Diet Pepsi on the floor. He stared vacantly at the clerk and declared, "This is the worst week ever." I think the Diet Pepsi pushed him over the edge, because he left the theater and never even went into the movie. I got my Sour Patch Kids half a minute earlier and somewhat enjoyed "I Am Legend.""
Sunday
Learn From My Interview Mistakes - by Willie McGee
When going into an interview, try not to look like me.
Cover Letter: Sumo Superstar
Dear Tom Sumo:
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) are pretty sure we've eaten our weight in jelly beans this Easter (esp. purple). We were so enjoying them that we thought "Could we ever do this for a living?"
Answer, yes.
When we saw you and your friends competing on ESPN, we knew this was for us. We've always shoveled well, and while we aren't sure whether that will translate to being good at shoving or not, we're willing to give it a try. Mainly we just want to eat more jelly beans. Have you ever considered sprinkling the ring with jelly beans rather than rice? That would make your organization both silly and delicious!
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) are pretty sure we've eaten our weight in jelly beans this Easter (esp. purple). We were so enjoying them that we thought "Could we ever do this for a living?"
Answer, yes.
When we saw you and your friends competing on ESPN, we knew this was for us. We've always shoveled well, and while we aren't sure whether that will translate to being good at shoving or not, we're willing to give it a try. Mainly we just want to eat more jelly beans. Have you ever considered sprinkling the ring with jelly beans rather than rice? That would make your organization both silly and delicious!
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Hoppy (sic) Easter!
Check out thewazungudiary.blogspot.com. Feel free to check out that site and enhance its credibility by commenting a few times. By the way, feel free to donate to the cause after visiting that site.
Meanwhile, joeanddan own four of the top seven brackets in their league, the Badgers get to play a 10 seed in the Sweet 16, and times are good.
Meanwhile, joeanddan own four of the top seven brackets in their league, the Badgers get to play a 10 seed in the Sweet 16, and times are good.
Thursday
Kent State gets a HUGE gas face
Thank you Kent State for laying a historic turd in the first half of your tournament game and making the spread pool exciting for all of 3 minutes.
Tuesday
Everyday Heroes
To the person/people who are changing the lettering on the redeye boxes in chicago from "FREE" to "PEE"....
You're hired.
You're hired.
Figure out your career path with your favorite T.V. show!
Do you watch a lot of TV? Well put that to use you lazy slob and figure out your career by picking out your favorite program. Then we'll match it up with the best job for you.
QVC - Salesperson
Boston Legal - Lawyer
Grey's Anatomy - Teenage Girl
House - Lawyer
Heroes - Something with computers, dork
Pee Wee's Playhouse - CEO
Knight Rider - German
Monday Night Football - Something where you drive a truck - in the South
VH1 - Intern for US Weekly
The Hills - Somehow get rich off making a sex tape
Smurfs - Cuban dictator
Arrested Development - AnalRapist
SpongeBob - Pizza Delivery
The Wire - TV Critic
The Gauntlet - Real World person who makes a living off appearing in The Gauntlet (CT we're looking in your direction)
Lost - Probably something cool like genetics or architecture
Star Trek - Whatever it is, avoid girls at all costs.
Wednesday
Interview Tip
Sometimes, interviewers will give you an uncomfortable chair to gain the upper hand. If this is the case, throw that chair through the window. Now the upper hand is on the other foot!
Monday
Cover Letter - News Anchor
We got a response!
LETTER WRITTEN, 2:00 pm, 12/29
Hello,My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) have recently become aware of the departure of Paul Majors. We could not help but notice that this will of course leave a prestigious opening for the position of anchorman at your station. We would like to volunteer our services. Both of us frequently read articles on cnn.com, and we have a pretty good idea of what is going on. We also have a stunning tag-team dynamic, not seen since the comedy stylings of Abbott and Costello (though I might add we are a little easier on the eyes!). Whilst reporting the news, we will make the ladies swoon, much the way Paul Majors did. We do not claim to be Paul Majors, as those are awfully big shoes to fill. But keep in mind that we are two people, and can both use two feet to fill just one shoe each. In closing, here is an example of our reporting:
"Michael Jackson is in legal trouble again!"
"That's right, Joe."
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
REPLY, 2:05 pm, 12/29
Thanks for the offer! I think we'll stick with our new anchor team for now, but we'll let you know if they need a break.
Take care,
Jen Mxxxxx KARE11 News
LETTER WRITTEN, 2:00 pm, 12/29
Hello,My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) have recently become aware of the departure of Paul Majors. We could not help but notice that this will of course leave a prestigious opening for the position of anchorman at your station. We would like to volunteer our services. Both of us frequently read articles on cnn.com, and we have a pretty good idea of what is going on. We also have a stunning tag-team dynamic, not seen since the comedy stylings of Abbott and Costello (though I might add we are a little easier on the eyes!). Whilst reporting the news, we will make the ladies swoon, much the way Paul Majors did. We do not claim to be Paul Majors, as those are awfully big shoes to fill. But keep in mind that we are two people, and can both use two feet to fill just one shoe each. In closing, here is an example of our reporting:
"Michael Jackson is in legal trouble again!"
"That's right, Joe."
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
REPLY, 2:05 pm, 12/29
Thanks for the offer! I think we'll stick with our new anchor team for now, but we'll let you know if they need a break.
Take care,
Jen Mxxxxx KARE11 News
Actually, I got them all cut.
"What you want?"
"Well I'm going to Africa for a few weeks, so I wanted it a lot shorter than normal so I dont really have to deal with it."
"What you want?"
"I guess something like these, I marked some of these pages in your book here."
"You want like that or that?"
"Well, I figure these are all just kind of variations on the same cut, right?"
"I know what you want."
"Do you?"
"I know."
"You know what, just make me look like someone named Todd."
"Well I'm going to Africa for a few weeks, so I wanted it a lot shorter than normal so I dont really have to deal with it."
"What you want?"
"I guess something like these, I marked some of these pages in your book here."
"You want like that or that?"
"Well, I figure these are all just kind of variations on the same cut, right?"
"I know what you want."
"Do you?"
"I know."
"You know what, just make me look like someone named Todd."
Sunday
Cover Letter - Army
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) want to be in the army now. (BTW, did you ever see that movie with Pauly Shore and Andy Dick? ewwwwww)
Video games we've beaten that probably translate: Contra (you can pick which of us is red and which is blue (as long as I can be blue)), Super Mario 1, 2 and 3 (although 2 only loosly translates), and Final Fantasy (we'd be fighting wolves, right?)
Instead of being an "Army of One", we'd be at least an "Army of Two". We don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but in armies as with jelly beans, the more the merrier. If we were to fight anyone, we would prefer an "Army of 50,000 or so".
Medals we'd win: Best Hider, least wasteful with ammunition, most emotional, most gay without actually being gay.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
Video games we've beaten that probably translate: Contra (you can pick which of us is red and which is blue (as long as I can be blue)), Super Mario 1, 2 and 3 (although 2 only loosly translates), and Final Fantasy (we'd be fighting wolves, right?)
Instead of being an "Army of One", we'd be at least an "Army of Two". We don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but in armies as with jelly beans, the more the merrier. If we were to fight anyone, we would prefer an "Army of 50,000 or so".
Medals we'd win: Best Hider, least wasteful with ammunition, most emotional, most gay without actually being gay.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
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