Good Old Cartoon Violence

This blogging thing is tough. You have to be sharp as a wit and quick like a puma cat. Still don't really know how to pronounce puma. Poo-mah? Pyoo-mah? Pew-mah? I've got the second half down pretty well at least. But I digress. Since joeanddan are the two most romantic guys on the planet, we got our girlfriends a football jersey and the Home Alone DVDs for Christmas. Did you know that there are four Home Alone movies? Make no mistake, Home Alone 2 is the best of the trilogy+1. In accordance with the law of movie sequels, they really scaled up the violence in that one. The third movie stars that kid from Liar Liar whose hair I really want to cut, and the most annoying of all children's movie animals, the parrot. Every time theres a parrot in a kids movie, it spout out appropriate cliches in any sticky situation (see: "Ooh, thats gotta hurt" or "Stick 'em up!"). I dont like that one bit. The fourth one costars French Stewart (the most annoying out of all the annoying characters from 3rd Rock from the Sun). The movie probably cost about $35 to make, most of which was used to buy tape so French could hold his eyes open. In regards to the violence, here is a breakdown of the injuries sustained by Harry and Marv in the first movie:

Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, cracked skull, gored foot, tetanus, lacerations covering feet, broken back, broken nose, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.

Harry: ruptured testicle, concussion, broken coccyx, broken neck, 3rd degree burn on hand, broken nose, 3rd degree burn on head, broken ribs, cracked sternum, severe internal bleeding, broken scapula and/or clavicle, separated shoulder, concussion.

Now compare those wussy injuries with those in HA2:

Marv: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death by brick to the face, death by brick to the face #2, death by brick to the face #3, death by brick to the face #4, ruptured intestine from stapled butthole, torn nasal septum, cracked ribs, broken neck, broken zygomatic and maxillary bones, ruptured testes, loss of eyesight, death by electrocution, broken neck, death from blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, cracked orbital bone, broken nose, stapled wiener, death from fall.

Harry: broken coccyx, concussion, broken nose, death from fall, fractured thoracic vertebrae, concussion, fractured parietal bone, ruptured testes, 3rd degree burns on head, death by fiery gasoline explosion on head, broken fingers, death by blunt force trauma to face, death from fall, broken ribs, broken nose, death from fall.

See, its obvious which is the better movie. Marv's first brick to the face actually elicited a sincere gasp from our own Grape Henderson. Also, these injuries are listed in order of occurrence, so feel free to follow along sometime.