Dear Mr. Government,
My brother (a senior in genetics at U of Wisconsin) and I (a graduate student in architecture and structural engineering at U of Illinois) have noticed that lately it seems you have gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle. The country appears to have divided itself in two! These two factions (my poli sci prof calls them “democrats” and “republicans”) seem to disagree over almost everything! We are certain that when future generations look back on this, it will be a cute little quirk that we of the 21st century had. However, we believe we may have a solution: Us. First of all, note that “us” is spelled U-S, or U.S., which could mean United States. Already you can see how we are fit for the job. The job we are talking about is of course is rulers (and we don’t mean measuring sticks! Ha! Ha! Ha!). My brother and I would assume the responsibility of making the decisions in this country from now on. We are two pretty good-looking and reasonable guys, so we don’t foresee any disagreements (except about whether to get the “gold” car wash or not. See, I think paying the extra two bucks is worth it for the undercarriage wash, while my brother would rather pocket the two dollars and spend it on pogs and root beer. Not that I don’t like pogs and root beer (who doesn’t!)), which makes us fit to rule. People we don’t even know tell us all the time, “You guys: Rule!” Obviously this is something the American public wants. We think they have had enough of Dicks and Bushes and Colins. Our previous leadership positions include head-of the-lunch-table, king-of-the-hill, and first in line for tickets to Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Daniel L. Signorelli
Joseph R. Signorelli
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